A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists.

Middle age: the time when a man is always thinking that in a week of two he will feel just as good as ever.

Middle age is the time when you think that in a week or two you'll feel as good as ever.

I have often noticed that when chickens quit quarrelling over their food, they often find that there is enough for all of them. I wonder if it might not be the same with the human race.

Life's too damn funny for me to explain.

If you make people think they're thinking they'll love you: but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

It is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while.

I suppose the human race is doing the best it can but hells bells thats only an explanation its not an excuse.

Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.