Joseph Heller Quotes
Brief author info: Joseph Heller (1923-1999) American novelist.
Showing: 1 - 10 Joseph Heller Quotes of 17
There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
"If a man is going to leave one wife to marry another, it's better if he divorces the first before he marries the second."
In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
"I never even realized I was Jewish until I was practically grown up. Or rather, I used to feel that everybody in the world was Jewish, which amounts to the same thing."
To Gold, the smell of the sea at Sheepshead Bay was a powerful call to clams on the half shell, shrimp, lobster or broiled flounder or bass.
Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage someday that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
Good God, how much reverence can you have for a supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation?
He moved his lips about her ears and neck as though in thirsting search of an erogenous zone. A waste of time, he knew from experience. Erogenous zones were either everywhere or nowhere.
He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
Few people know what they mean when they say, "I love you." ... Well, what does the word love mean? It means total interest. I think the reason very few people really fall in love with anyone is they're not willing to pay the price. The price is you have to adjust yourself to them.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream.
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.