Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.