A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband.

Marriage is our last best chance to grow up.

To marry a woman you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.

When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

I've never won an argument with my wife; and the only time I thought I had I found out the argument wasn't over yet.

That shows how long we've been married. Now you kiss me to calm me down.

I have learned only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First let her think she is having her own way. Second, let her have it.

Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men's nurses.