To really enjoy drugs you've got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are harder to get out of than others. This is the drug-taking problem for adults. Teenage Weltscbmerz is easy to escape. But what drug will get a grown-up out of, for instance, debt?

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

A debutante party is basically a bar mitzvah with sex in the parking lot. The same rules of egregious display, inedible food, and ridiculous expense are enforced.