The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?'

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.