Cloquet hated reality but he realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering; and it's all over much too soon.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

All people know the same truth; our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass."

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.