Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks that he is the best judge of one.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

The moral sense enables one to perceive morality-and avoid it. The immoral sense enables one to perceive immorality and enjoy it.

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy-if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.

There are many humorous things in the world, among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.