A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

Water taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.

The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.