There's nothing like mixing with woman to bring out all the foolishness in a man of sense.

Hysteria is a natural phenomenon, the common denominator of the female nature. It's the big female weapon, and the test of a man is his ability to cope with it.

When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch.

When a man says, 'We've got to talk,' the woman hears, 'We're going to have a nice conversation.' When a woman says, 'We've got to talk,' a man hears, 'Will the defendant please rise?'

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. A woman must do what he can't.

Like most men, my father is interested in action. And this is why he disappoints my mother when she tells him she doesn't feel well and he offers to take her to the doctor. He is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

In the duel of sex, woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

There are poems about the internet and about the shipping forecast but very few by women celebrating men.

From my experience of life I believe my personal motto should be: 'Beware of any man bringing flowers.'

At the end of one millennium and nine centuries of Christianity, it remains an unshakable assumption of the law in all Christian countries and of the moral judgement of Christians everywhere that if a man and a woman, entering a room together, close the door behind them, the man will come out sadder and the woman wiser.