No government could survive without champagne. Champagne in the throats of our diplomatic people is like oil in the wheels of an engine.

A cocktail is to a glass of wine as rape is to love.

Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.

Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself.

Some people tell you you should not drink claret after strawberries. They are wrong.

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

The nearest my parents came to alcohol was at Holy Communion and they utterly overestimated its effects. However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

A soft drink turneth away company.