What a wonderful world this would be if we all did as well today as we expect to do tomorrow.

-What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? -Philippe Philoppe.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.

A Native American said this: 'Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.' When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, 'The one I feed the most.'

Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.

History is that thing you hastily delete as you log off the internet.

Laugh? I nearly bought my own beer.

In the old days, if a person missed the stagecoach, he was content to wait a day or two for the next one. Nowadays, we feel frustrated if we miss one section of a revolving door.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

If Noah had been very wise, he would have swatted those two flies.