Fools laugh at others; wise men at themselves.

Life is not an answer to a question; it's a mystery in which we participate.

Youth lives in the future, middle age in the present, and old age in the past.

The heart that loves is always young.

One of the chief pleasures of middle age is looking back at the people you didn't marry.

A friend is a present you give yourself.

Learn the lesson of your own pain.

Time was invented so everything wouldn't happen at once.

What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, you get an onion with long ears, but one time out of a hundred, you get a piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

Never question your wife's judgement. Look at who she married.